A Citizen of Outer Space

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“Night Sky Over North Georgia” belongs to Stephen Rahn on Flickr.com. Public Domain.

Heaven shifts the skies
rearranging the velvet edges
shaking loose ancient dust
collected here over the eons.

Caught too close to the edge
one unlucky star is knocked loose
falls down, down, down

Like a meteorite plummeting out of the vast sky,
the star that Heaven dropped by accident
collides with me
bursting into a sea of gray nightmares
and hissing voices that loudly scold
softer, more fearful ones.

The voices twist and wrap around my head
suffocating my thoughts with words left unsaid.

For days afterward I catch myself wondering
“Who am I?”
Am I an astronaut glimpsing the outside of a world
of heated whispers, laughter, and handshakes?

I am a silent observer drifting insignificantly
among the cold matter of space and brilliant stars
where only time is alive
with the beating of my own cruel heart
almost detached from the rest of me
like foreign life within me.
As if I was selfish and greedy enough to pluck a star
engulf its radiance and gas
embed it into the cavity within my ribcage.
Oh, how my heart pulses with a life of its own

No, my heart is not my own.

Forgive me if I speak only nonsense
for I have been drifting for quite too long.
In your presence I am humble
even when you are not nearby
I orbit you like Haley’s comet
It feels as though you are a lifetime away

Who are you? Forgive me if you catch me staring
There is no answer in the soft slope of your nose or cupid’s bow lips
no answer in the planes of your cheek or forehead
No response in your eyebrows
so much more livelier than mine
almost as if the God I don’t believe in
spent a little more time on you
you
confident where I am weak
charismatic where I am awkwardly
uncomfortably blunt.

Don’t try to save me from my own flaws
There is a corruption in my hard drive
An error in my coding that is preventing me from fitting in
from blending in
a social chameleon.

You are a fox treading on the surface of my skies, my world
A world of population: only one, me
And I, I am only an observer of yours

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